Crump

P.J. Vanston

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Why I wrote this book

The British education system has changed a great deal in the last twenty years and, having experience of colleges and universities both as a student and a lecturer, I thought I’d write a satirical novel about it all – one which I hope is entertaining and funny, though also a novel with the darkest of satirical foundations.

Crump is similar to other campus novels in that it follows a new lecturer through an academic year and all the absurdities he experiences at his university; however, it is also very different from its forebears, and very much a 21st century novel which deals with very timely issues. Thames Metropolitan University is a (fictional) former polytechnic languishing at the bottom of the league tables and has enthusiastically embraced the target-driven culture, endless dumbing down and obsessive political correctness of any modern British educational establishment. As such, it will be instantly recognisable to anyone who works or studies at a modern British university – which is not at all the same type of university as existed twenty years ago and which has been portrayed in novels so often before.

Worryingly, much in the book is based on true events, exaggerated a bit for the purposes of satire. Moreover, many of the attitudes expressed and policies enforced by the fictional university in the book are – shockingly – considered best practice by the ‘powers that be’ in the 21st century British university system.

This is a system, after all, where many new students – even those with a fistful of A grades at A level – have such low levels of academic knowledge that even the better universities have to offer remedial courses to teach them the basics; where lecturers are told by their managers that they have to pass students – especially internationals, who are 40% of Master’s students – no matter what standard of learning they display and where most students now get 1st or 2.1s with standards that would have barely got a 2.2 or even a Pass at degree level twenty years ago; where there is a constant and desperate craving for a higher position in the league tables to attract yet more lucrative, full-fee-paying foreign students, which leads to an inevitable and massive decline in standards, grade inflation and an ‘all must have prizes’ surrealism; where only a tiny fraction of the almost 10,000 caught plagiarising at UK universities every year are expelled, thus encouraging and legitimising cheating; and where, for years, a blind eye has been turned to Islamic and other extremist groups on campus in the name of equality and anti-racism. The only shocking thing is that none of it is really completely fictional!

‘Crump’ paints a satirical picture of life at a modern British university, and, however shocking it may be, its honest exposure of many of the tricks universities use is a very good reason why anyone who has anything to do with the British educational system – or anyone who just wants a good laugh – should read this book.

If you enjoy reading Tom Sharpe; David Lodge or Malcolm Bradbury you should enjoy Crump.

Synopsis

Kevin Crump is happy – he’s just got his dream job as a lecturer at a British university and is looking forward to introducing his new students to a first class education.

Yet, as the academic year progresses, all is not what it at first seemed. Shockingly, he discovers that the former polytechnic of Thames Metropolitan University, in common with other universities, is not very much interested in ‘education’ at all.

Instead, it is engaged in a process of dumbing down, grade inflation and turning a blind eye to plagiarism and cheating. It is also obsessed with its place in the league tables and attracting as many fee-paying students as possible – especially cash cow foreigners – and to encourage them further has recently closed its science departments in order to replace them with ‘exciting’ and ‘relevant’ ones, such as the Department of Islamic Studies. This will eventually have more serious repercussions than anyone ever intended or imagined.

Befriended by senior lecturer Dr Sandy Buttery, who tells him all about the ‘game’ of modern university life, and with the support of fellow new lecturers Athena and Rajdeep, Crump finds himself fighting for survival in the face of manipulative managers, accusations of racism and sexism from students and colleagues alike, and insane policies of political correctness and positive action which result in division and inequality rather than the harmony and equality they supposedly intend to promote.

Crump is a darkly comic and scathing satire about life at a modern British university and is a must-read for anyone involved with the British higher education system.

About the Author

P.J.Vanston has been a teacher and lecturer at educational institutions in the UK and mainland Europe. Originally from Kent, he now lives in Swansea where he owns and runs an academic editing company, as well as writing features for various publications and scripts for radio, TV and film.

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